Greetings, Lads and Ladies!
How can I not post on International Women’s Day? Re-heat your toasty beverage or add a few ice cubes to the cold one, stretch, reposition, and sit tight — this is gonna be a long one.
While it is up to each individual self-identifying female to decide what it means to be a “woman” and behave according to those edicts, I’ll share with you what it means to me.
Firstly, I self-identify as a Human, then a Woman, then a Chicagoan, and lastly, a Capricorn. Got it? Cool. Moving on.
Living the life I’ve lived, being a woman translates to operating as a a clever, ultra-feminine, physically agile and strong, creative, powerful, discerning, and willful survivor.
It means taking precautionary steps to avoid danger, diffuse hostility, maintain an elite level of personal integrity, and completely manage the responsibilities of my existence which includes whole self-care in all forms.
You’ll observe that the self-preservation instinct in me is quite strong. While I associate that with being human, having it play out in my life and taking actionable steps to ensure my own emotional, psychological, and physical survival throughout my womanhood has been an outright astounding phenomena to witness. (I have a mind that watches itself, and I’ve trained myself to be able to “observe” myself in such a way, my own thoughts, feelings, actions, and history so that when I do step back and look at it all, a part of me can actually appreciate another part of me from a very objective place.)
There were many dark, lightless places I’ve found myself and where I had the heavy feeling of being close to succumbing to permanent victimhood – places of my personal past and places I expect to find in my future. Though, the drive, however diluted in potency, to overcome had always outweighed that heaviness; whether it took minutes, days, months, years or decades. There was always one point: a moment of clarity, a bold risk that paid off, a sudden epiphany, a lightning bolt of personal genius, a moment when the hands of time turned for me, or a randomized stroke of blind luck that I ruptured through the other side and transformed from a suffering victim to a battle-weary survivor.
It’s this process, which has happened over and over again, where my personal psychology, emotional health, and/or physical body were being dragged through these traumas, horrors, disappointments, and multiplied pains – and breaking through it to emerge stronger and tougher than the previous “me” – that has built the woman penning this entry and the womanhood that’s paved the path to it.
Yesterday, I had one of the best auditions of my life.
Rather, one of my (now two) favorites. I’ve signed a non-disclosure agreement in order to do so, so I won’t be divulging details. Just know that it doesn’t even matter to me if I book the gig or not, I was able to do what I absolutely LOVE, utilizing skills no one would think could come in handy, while getting to look ultra-feminine and “me” doing it.
Creating those moments means a lot to me. I’m a Creator, I manifest. When I have an opportunity to really weave my spells, sparkle my enchantments over a room, and collaborate with other powerful and whimsical individuals, I can’t say I ever take it for granted. I don’t. I derive so much pleasure creating with myself, on my own, whenever I want, that I truly do appreciate the art of collaboration and creating something special with others. Arriving at these moments, along with reading one of my favorite books once a year, empowers my sufferings with deep meaning. None of my past sufferings or future sufferings will ever be wasted on me. In these small moments of magic, I speak quietly with my mind and again congratulate myself for having survived to to be able to live this moment happily, healthily, and indomitably powerful.
This is all “woman”. This is all part of it.
Last Friday I went on an audition to play “La Dama” from Loteria, a game of chance that originated in Italy in the 15th century before being brought to New Spain (Mexico) in 1769 as a hobby of the upper class and is now a favorite at Mexican fairs, parties, and households.
The riddle of “la dama”, or “the lady” is as follows:
Puliendo el paso, por toda la calle real. Polishing as she steps, all along the royal street.
(If you know what it means to be a Capricorn Woman, it’s befitting.) It was a quick, fun audition. I had the chance to wear one of my favorite shift dresses and I absolutely love getting dressed up to be “in character” when I have the chance.
You’ll notice I didn’t include “Mexican-American”, “Hispanic”, “Latino”, “Mixed Race”, “Indo-European”, “Blended”, or “Latina” in my little self-identifying statement at the top of this essay. It’s because culturally, I identify with the tense, hard-working, ambitious, hard-hearted, generous, conservative/liberal, riddling, creative, no-nonsense, deep-humored, dark-humored, strict, eclectic, no-complaining, rough-edged class of Chicago mid-westerners.
I never needed to “look” like a celebrity growing up to feel like I can relate to them. This is why I grew up with idols such as Edward Scissorhands, Greta Garbo, John Malkovich, Howard Hughes, Angelina Jolie, F.W. Murnau, Peter Lorre, Vincent Price -and a whole host of other people I look absolutely NOTHING like.
So that’s why I don’t want to commit to a very specific “ethnic” or “nationalist” group, because I want the 14-year old American black girl to be able to relate to me because we both are passionate about acting and entrepreneurial finance. I want the 34-year old European white man to be comfortable following my accounts because we both have a penchant for German Expressionistic films. I want the middle-aged Japanese-Korean to enjoy my posts as we both love reading about industrialist tycoons. I don’t feel like I need to physically resemble anyone I like, admire, respect, or find interest in, so I hope that I attract people who like me for me, regardless of what I look like in relation to what they look like.
I’m looking for “my people”. If you’re still reading this, maybe you’re one of them.
This is part of my womanhood: Finding and attracting those people who truly are on your side, and fortifying the barrier walls by denying access to those who are against you, openly and secretly.
I really believe my “tribe” is out there. Maybe you’re one of them. Or maybe you enjoy one of the aspects of my personality and certain posts, that’s cool too. One love, man.
This is what I’m doing: I’m going to be Me, consistently, over a long period of time. I’m hoping (and curiously wondering) that as I do so, others like me will join in and we can build camaraderie, encourage and empower each other through various methods, ideas, sharing, programs, businesses, creations, projects, and devices not even invented yet.
Because, although I’m a woman: I’m part ultra-feminine and part action-hero, I’m not entirely relatable to a vast number of people. People are either scared, intimidated, or delightfully surprised at my character and my mind expressing itself through this body.
That’s what this entire new Digital-Natalee is all about, attracting the people whose lives I’m going to help change for the betterment of the collective of individuals and therefore the larger society of humans.
This is part of my womanhood: Recognizing that after periods where the Self is in peril, and safety is restored, that it’s time to do what you do best while operating at 100% health and efficiency for the benefit of others whose Selves are still in peril.
Physically, I’m trying to make myself part of the 50 million girls’ lives who are living in poverty and being subject to rape and slavery so that they are removed from danger so that they can thrive.
Mentally, I’m focusing many of my resources into creating content and expanding my digital platform that will add value to those who are seeking clarity, perspective, relief from psychological abuse, and who are suffering subtly due to inefficient governments, protocols, broken systems, and the mental stress that accompanies many aspects of modern life.
Emotionally, I’m providing wise counsel to those close to me in my day-to-day life. I’m creating content for filmmaking endeavors to help relieve emotional sufferings, traumas, and survivors of all kinds of attacks on the emotional health of an individual. Through my acting, my writings, my producing, and all expressions, I’m working to strengthen, inspire, and empower those who feel the human thread unraveling in the world, in their personal and romantic relationships and above all their relationships with themselves and act as the tie that binds to promote the healing and strengthening of said thread.
Just this past week I was emailing my best female friend, who is also a “lone-wolf” type woman (It’s very difficult for us both to create and sustain strong relationships with females that are insecure as they quickly and not very smartly reveal themselves to be saboteurs, and unfortunately, there are many) and I explained to her my goals for this new website and building and strengthening my online platforms. Here’s a direct quote from my email:
…have a feeling I’ll get to attract those crazies, eccentrics, misunderstood creators, marginalized by society, drug addicts, schizophrenics, manic-depressives, paranoids, future prophets, monks, and narcissists that will eventually make up my personal “tribe”. I think when I start really putting in the work and time and effort into establishing virtual-natalee that I’ll garner a solid group of supporters and those who derive real value from my work, writings, musings, and videos.
Maybe you like the glossy, glamorous, actress part of my life. Cool.
Maybe you like any other slices of my personality. Cool.
But as I continually add content and reveal more and more of who I am, if you’re still around by then, it’ll be revealed that you either like Eccentricity, or you ARE a fellow Eccentric.
This site, and across all my platforms, is strictly and solely for the outcasts and for people who don’t “fit”, and maybe even those who are looking for the place where they do. Like I am. I’m still looking for where I fit in the world. Until I find it by pure happenstance, I’m creating a place where I “fit” — and I’ll goddamn well fit perfectly. If it happens to be a snug and cozy fit for you, welcome to the tribe. There’s going to be ALOT of cool stuff for you to come! Support from yours truly, gifts, travel opportunities, free swag, free books, discounts, business insight, business opportunities — I plan to not only provide internal value to you, my amazingly small and wildly awesome group of supporters and Natalee-enthusiasts, but also real-world value as well.
Because although it’s International Women’s Day, it doesn’t detract from the value of men. I want to see us all rise. And I’m going to help you if it’s the last thing I goddamn do.
So, to the women reading this, I think it’s an appropriate time for us to “get in formation”. (I couldn’t resist!) I actually wasn’t a big Beyonce person until I saw the video for “Formation”. I don’t know who wrote the song, composed it, produced the video, or put the entire thing together, but that person (more like people) deserves some damn respect. I think it’s fantastic. It’s precisely what the internet is for, I also loved to hear her say she loves “her negro nose with Jackson five nostrils.” It means a lot to show some positive reaction to those specific features, I’ve witnessed and spoken out against a lot of subtle hate against African noses, African hair, in addition to dark skin. If you want more, check out this great breakdown of cultural/political/historic references in the vid.
Ladies, let’s rise. If you feel like an outcast because you’re over 40, or black, or white, or a color on the scale between those two colors, or you make less than 100K a year, or make over 10M a year, or are on welfare, or suddenly came into money, or lost your job, or are just “different” from your entire family/community, or started a business that’s alienated you from your friends who work for “the man”, are blonde but hispanic, have an afro and are white, or are gay, or feel you’re born in the wrong gender, or have insatiable sexual desires that you’re made to feel weird or gross about because it’s strange, or are under 18, are a mom, or aren’t a mom, or have a weird disease which makes your left eyeball swirl around uncontrollably every twenty minutes, or because you like chocolate sauce when everyone in your town hails the strawberry — I don’t care. I’m with you. I support you.
On that note, if there’s anything I can help you with, shoot me an email here:
and I’ll see what I can do. Please write, “From the Tribe” in the subject line so I know you’re one of my people.
Because, unfortunately, I AM a Chicagoan. Favoritism, nepotism, corruption, and like I said, that hard-heartedness has shown itself strongly throughout my upbringing. Today, I choose to take the best of it and discard the rest. -And I refuse to stick my neck out for somebody who’s just going to exploit my will to do good by another.
I’ll relay a short story of how Abner J. Mikva began his career in politics in Chicago, taken from his wikipedia:
One of the stories that is told about my start in politics is that on the way home from law school one night in 1948, I stopped by the ward headquarters in the ward where I lived. There was a street-front, and the name Timothy O’Sullivan, Ward Committeeman, was painted on the front window. I walked in and I said “I’d like to volunteer to work for [Adlai] Stevenson and [Paul] Douglas.” This quintessential Chicago ward committeeman took the cigar out of his mouth and glared at me and said, “Who sent you?” I said, “Nobody sent me.” He put the cigar back in his mouth and he said, “We don’t want nobody that nobody sent.” This was the beginning of my political career in Chicago.
In similar fashion, I don’t want nobody nobody sent.
So, put “From the Tribe” in the subject line, introduce yourself, explain clearly what you’d like from me, and I’ll see what I can do. Please give me about a week to respond.
As I publish more and more content through these digital channels, you’ll see many more facets that make up a complete woman – this woman, obviously. One that I’m fiercely protective of, and admittedly, one that scares the living daylights out of people, is the hardened warrior that protects, defends, and intentionally scares off potential dangers.
I’ve sharpened my rough edges instead of blunting them. This is part of being a survivor. I was bullied and harassed growing up both at school by school children, by teachers, and at home by relatives. I’ll be god-damned if anyone will ever bully me again.
Sometimes, this seeps through my already thin veneer of civility as I don’t suffer fools gladly and have little patience for pettiness and general ridiculousness – and it’s interpreted as agitated hostility. Do you ever find that happens to you? Do you have resting bitch-face? Anyways, I roll my eyes at ridiculousness. I also don’t talk about things I’m not comfortable being known unless I expressly ask for privacy regarding a conversation. So when I rolled my eyes as a girl, it was a subconscious accident. When I do it as an adult, I give no fucks that someone knows I think there is some real fuckery going on and that I deeply disapprove.
This is part of my womanhood: Being me, consistently.
This is part of my womanhood: Being really fucking careful.
This is a perfect time to mention that I’ll teach and provide FREE counseling and skype/video course classes to any Woman or young woman on violence prediction, intuition study, and character discernment.
I could go off on (another) very long tangent about being publicly aggressive while being feminine, when stranger-guys tell you on the street to “smile”, and a whole host of other bullshit that’s expected of women such as placating, being pleasant and agreeable constantly in the face of BS and injustice, being expected to not rock the boat or ask for a raise, but you know what? That’s part of being a woman. Combating that shit. If you’re a woman, you already know it. I don’t have to “tell it to you”, you’ve got your years on this earth where you’ve learned what it means to be a woman on it. We know it, and we have to move forward as empowered non-apologizing individual women, and behave accordingly.
Alright Guys and Gals, if you want some comic relief I’m on SC as SixthFromTheSun – be warned! It’s a LOT of singing in my car (lip-synching thank god, I would never subject you to my live singing voice!) and general car snaps. I’m very inspired by motion and a get a lot of ideas while in motion and in action. There’s also lots of ridiculous SC-distorted selfies. But, like in the photograph shown above, there are also nuggets of insight into my life that aren’t important/big enough to share broadly across facebook, instagram, or here.
Take care of yourselves, my lovelies!!